A Jack of all trades

But master of none.

I've known for a very long time that I am unlike most people and find many different subjects interesting yet not interesting enough to pursue them beyond a few days of fascination. Often my interest waxes and wanes depending on a variety of different things: my economic status, current life situations, as well as attention span.

In these last few months I have bounced around from wanting to be an activist, a baker, a public speaker, an educator, a stay at home mom, maker of organic vegan lip balms, owner of an antique shop in New Orleans, a chicken farmer (thanks Mom), use my food industry knowledge to whip a restaurant in Des Moines back into shape (a la Gordon Ramsey), a jewelry maker, the next Anne Lamont (a fantastic writer), owner of a taco truck, a nutritionist, or a nurse. It's quite a list, I know.

And I'm not just talking about having a good idea and daydreaming about it. I mean, I have been convinced, to one degree or another, that any one of these aforementioned occupations could very well be my life's destiny. I have so many good, no, great ideas that it's often hard to know what to do with them all. Maybe I should write them down? Write a story? Maybe just let them go?

I don't know if it really matters what I do with these ideas. Maybe in 50 years I will have wished to keep a journal. Maybe not.

But today, I added another possible occupation to my list. Private Investigator.

Don't laugh! It's totally possible and here's why I believe that.

We (my mom and sister and I) were looking at an online edition of a local news paper where I grew up and mostly mocking the lack of anything interesting to report on. We really started to yuck it up when we ran across a weekly segment called "Warrant of the week".

The Enumclaw Police Department, in cooperation with The Courier-Herald, sponsors
a “Warrant of the Week” program. This program is designed to capture people who
currently have warrants out for their arrest by utilizing tips that citizens
provide to the Enumclaw Police. The arrest warrants for these people have been
issued by Enumclaw Municipal Court. Once a week, a photo of a wanted person,
along with a brief description of the crime, is published. Citizens who may have
information as to the whereabouts of the wanted person are encouraged to call
the Enumclaw Police Department at 360-825-3505. Callers may remain anonymous.

This week's warrant features a young man who was arrested for driving under the influence. Apparently Chris M. is the man of the week.

(*Names have been changed to protect not only myself but the innocent and the stupid.)

Christopher M. has a warrant issued for his arrest for reckless driving. M. was stopped by Enumclaw police on May 6, 2006, while attempting to drive while intoxicated and subsequently was arrested for physical control of a motor vehicle while under the influence of alcohol. M. had already been contacted by officers and warned not to drive due to his intoxication. M. waited for officers to leave the area and then attempted to drive away. As he was doing so an officer returned to the area to check on M., finding him behind the wheel. M. is 5 feet, 6 inches tall and approximately 160 pounds. He has blond hair and hazel eyes. M.’s last known address was in Puyallup.

So what do I do? First, I google him. Nothing. I then decide to search Facebook to see if there are any hits... and what to you know. We've got a match. After poking around a little bit and looking at his pictures, I'm sure this is the guy. He also has a link to his business he owns, Shine Auto Detailing; phone number and website provided. Shine Auto Detailing has a Washington State business license that is registered to his wife, Jennifer. Mailing address (I'm assuming this is their home) as well as physical address of the business. I found all of this information in about 15 minutes.

Damn, I'm good!

So, I call the tip line and explain my information to the nice lady on the other end.

Her very confused response, "Facebook? You found this guy on Facebook and this is your tip? Uhmmm... okay."

"Yes, Facebook. There is a picture of him that matches his warrant and everything. He's right there!"

"Umm... and you don't know him in any way? You only know him from the Internet?"

"No, I don't know him. I don't even "know" him on the Internet. I'm just a curious woman who knows just enough about the world wide web to be useful. I just wanted you all to know that you can find this guy and bring him in."

"..."

"I probably sound like a lunatic, don't I?"

"..."

(All the while Mom and sister are laughing at my end of the conversation.)

"Uh, okay ma'am. I've taken down your 'tip' and will let an officer know."

Oh yeah right. By "taken down my tip" she means made a confused face to the woman at the desk next to her. She's not going to tell anyone about my "Facebook tip."

But gosh darn it, I've got some HOT information and I'm not going to let it go. So what do I do? I email all of this information to the Lieutenant.

Good afternoon Lieutenant Southerland,

In reviewing your posting on the Courier
Herald Warrant of the Week I did a simple search on a popular social networking
site and found Mr. M.. Here is a link to the information I
found. There is a photo on this social networking site that matches the
photo on the Courier Herald website.
As you can see, he is a business owner
in Tacoma, owning a business called Shine Auto Detail. The website for
this business can be found here. A phone number is also provided.
I hope this helps in apprehending Mr. M.. Please let me know if I
can be of any further assistance.

I assumed it would end there but gosh darn it, I had to make my information known!

But was I proven wrong! I got a phone call 45 minutes later from the investigating officer wanting to know a little more information. Apparently Lieutenant Sortland found my information useful and forwarded it on to the appropriate person. Ha!

"Ms. R., thank you very much for this information. It is going to be very helpful in finding Mr. M.. We really really appreciate it."

Not even a hint of patronizing or sarcasm. I felt like a hero.

And then later this evening, an email from the Lieutenant himself expressing his gratitude.

I'm not going to go chasing this guy down and try to earn a reward. I am just a humble servant using the tools I have...

(Camera pulls away from medium shot of me looking very gruff and tough in all black, hand cuffs in my hand. Music plays, "Bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do? whatcha gonna do when I COME FOR YOU?")