A Jack of all trades

But master of none.

I've known for a very long time that I am unlike most people and find many different subjects interesting yet not interesting enough to pursue them beyond a few days of fascination. Often my interest waxes and wanes depending on a variety of different things: my economic status, current life situations, as well as attention span.

In these last few months I have bounced around from wanting to be an activist, a baker, a public speaker, an educator, a stay at home mom, maker of organic vegan lip balms, owner of an antique shop in New Orleans, a chicken farmer (thanks Mom), use my food industry knowledge to whip a restaurant in Des Moines back into shape (a la Gordon Ramsey), a jewelry maker, the next Anne Lamont (a fantastic writer), owner of a taco truck, a nutritionist, or a nurse. It's quite a list, I know.

And I'm not just talking about having a good idea and daydreaming about it. I mean, I have been convinced, to one degree or another, that any one of these aforementioned occupations could very well be my life's destiny. I have so many good, no, great ideas that it's often hard to know what to do with them all. Maybe I should write them down? Write a story? Maybe just let them go?

I don't know if it really matters what I do with these ideas. Maybe in 50 years I will have wished to keep a journal. Maybe not.

But today, I added another possible occupation to my list. Private Investigator.

Don't laugh! It's totally possible and here's why I believe that.

We (my mom and sister and I) were looking at an online edition of a local news paper where I grew up and mostly mocking the lack of anything interesting to report on. We really started to yuck it up when we ran across a weekly segment called "Warrant of the week".

The Enumclaw Police Department, in cooperation with The Courier-Herald, sponsors
a “Warrant of the Week” program. This program is designed to capture people who
currently have warrants out for their arrest by utilizing tips that citizens
provide to the Enumclaw Police. The arrest warrants for these people have been
issued by Enumclaw Municipal Court. Once a week, a photo of a wanted person,
along with a brief description of the crime, is published. Citizens who may have
information as to the whereabouts of the wanted person are encouraged to call
the Enumclaw Police Department at 360-825-3505. Callers may remain anonymous.

This week's warrant features a young man who was arrested for driving under the influence. Apparently Chris M. is the man of the week.

(*Names have been changed to protect not only myself but the innocent and the stupid.)

Christopher M. has a warrant issued for his arrest for reckless driving. M. was stopped by Enumclaw police on May 6, 2006, while attempting to drive while intoxicated and subsequently was arrested for physical control of a motor vehicle while under the influence of alcohol. M. had already been contacted by officers and warned not to drive due to his intoxication. M. waited for officers to leave the area and then attempted to drive away. As he was doing so an officer returned to the area to check on M., finding him behind the wheel. M. is 5 feet, 6 inches tall and approximately 160 pounds. He has blond hair and hazel eyes. M.’s last known address was in Puyallup.

So what do I do? First, I google him. Nothing. I then decide to search Facebook to see if there are any hits... and what to you know. We've got a match. After poking around a little bit and looking at his pictures, I'm sure this is the guy. He also has a link to his business he owns, Shine Auto Detailing; phone number and website provided. Shine Auto Detailing has a Washington State business license that is registered to his wife, Jennifer. Mailing address (I'm assuming this is their home) as well as physical address of the business. I found all of this information in about 15 minutes.

Damn, I'm good!

So, I call the tip line and explain my information to the nice lady on the other end.

Her very confused response, "Facebook? You found this guy on Facebook and this is your tip? Uhmmm... okay."

"Yes, Facebook. There is a picture of him that matches his warrant and everything. He's right there!"

"Umm... and you don't know him in any way? You only know him from the Internet?"

"No, I don't know him. I don't even "know" him on the Internet. I'm just a curious woman who knows just enough about the world wide web to be useful. I just wanted you all to know that you can find this guy and bring him in."

"..."

"I probably sound like a lunatic, don't I?"

"..."

(All the while Mom and sister are laughing at my end of the conversation.)

"Uh, okay ma'am. I've taken down your 'tip' and will let an officer know."

Oh yeah right. By "taken down my tip" she means made a confused face to the woman at the desk next to her. She's not going to tell anyone about my "Facebook tip."

But gosh darn it, I've got some HOT information and I'm not going to let it go. So what do I do? I email all of this information to the Lieutenant.

Good afternoon Lieutenant Southerland,

In reviewing your posting on the Courier
Herald Warrant of the Week I did a simple search on a popular social networking
site and found Mr. M.. Here is a link to the information I
found. There is a photo on this social networking site that matches the
photo on the Courier Herald website.
As you can see, he is a business owner
in Tacoma, owning a business called Shine Auto Detail. The website for
this business can be found here. A phone number is also provided.
I hope this helps in apprehending Mr. M.. Please let me know if I
can be of any further assistance.

I assumed it would end there but gosh darn it, I had to make my information known!

But was I proven wrong! I got a phone call 45 minutes later from the investigating officer wanting to know a little more information. Apparently Lieutenant Sortland found my information useful and forwarded it on to the appropriate person. Ha!

"Ms. R., thank you very much for this information. It is going to be very helpful in finding Mr. M.. We really really appreciate it."

Not even a hint of patronizing or sarcasm. I felt like a hero.

And then later this evening, an email from the Lieutenant himself expressing his gratitude.

I'm not going to go chasing this guy down and try to earn a reward. I am just a humble servant using the tools I have...

(Camera pulls away from medium shot of me looking very gruff and tough in all black, hand cuffs in my hand. Music plays, "Bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do? whatcha gonna do when I COME FOR YOU?")

What a difference a day makes...

And that difference is YOU!

First off, I want to say THANK YOU to my family and friends that have emailed, called, and prayed for me. What an interesting time in my life right now! I feel so honored that you all care so much.

I am on the edge of something here. Something great. Something unexpected. Something EXCITING!

Since we last talked, I have been to the doctor twice for blood tests and once for results. My first set of blood work showed many interesting things going on in my body. Most of these things will bore most of you but there were two things that were alarming to the doctor which caused a need for another round of tests. The less worrying of the two was my Vitamin D levels. The normal concentration of Vitamin D in an adult is about 50 ng/ml. Mine was 6 meaning I am vitamin D deficient. Some symptoms of Vitamin D deficiency are: reduced bone strength, an increase in bone fractures, and sometimes bone pain, and muscle weakness. This explains why I have had back problems my whole life. (My weight has also been a factor.) This ALSO explains why I broke 5 toes within one week.

(I looked like a total moron with two walking casts on.)

The other issue was a little more serious.

Every person has both Estrogen (female hormones) and Testosterone (male hormones). Obviously women have more estrogen than testosterone and vice-versa for men. Our endocrine system is a delicate balance of not only these hormones but many others that control all kinds of functions in our body.

Hormones are chemical messengers that travel throughout the body coordinating complex processes like growth, metabolism, and fertility. They can influence the function of the immune system, and even alter behavior. Before birth, they guide development of the brain and reproductive system. Hormones are the reason why your arms are the same length, why you can turn food into fuel, and why you changed from head to toe at puberty. It is thanks to these chemicals that distant parts of the body communicate with one another during elaborate, and important, events.

In very plain and simple terms, when your hormone levels aren't in proper balance, all hell breaks loose through out your body. (And mine are no where close to being in balance.)

My estrogen levels are normal but my testosterone levels were more than double what they should be. And no, this doesn't mean that I really am a man in a woman's body. Dummy.

There are so many things that can cause an imbalance in your hormones. More and more research is coming out that everything from plastic, tin cans, the pill, HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), environmental poisons, non organic and estrogen pumped animal products, stress, and cosmetics can all contribute to an imbalance. I personally am convinced that fast food has played a MAJOR roll in hormonal imbalance.

It's hard to know exactly where is started in my life and what triggered it. I have many speculations but they are irrelevant right now.

The doctor was concerned that the cause of my imbalance could be due to a tumor on one of my adrenal glands.

Oh great. If that was the case, I would have to have some type of radiation, chemo, or surgery to remove it. That is NOT what I was expecting.

It was a stressful week waiting for answers but finally I got the good news that a tumor was ruled out. Phew!

Now I was able to get my treatment planned out with the doctor and start down the road to a new life! I'm only 3 days in to my treatment but I feel so much better already. I can feel my energy levels rising and hope returning. This is so encouraging!

I sat down last week and made a list of things that I haven't done because of my weight, or the symptoms PCOS has caused me. That list turned into a sort of "bucket list" for me and I hope to get a move on and start making these things happen!

I want to share my list with you

• Go swimming. This will mean having to wear a bathing suit. I haven't done that in 15 years.
  
• Take dance lessons and learn to MOVE my body! Salsa,Tap, and Hip Hop are on the top of the list.
  
• Get a facial. I don't usually let people touch my face.
• Spend a day at the spa.
  
• Sing on a stage, with a band, for a crowd.
• Wear ANY type of clothes I want and not let my body image hold me back.
• Wear heels more. My weight as well as my bone strength (due to the vitamin D deficiency) make it very painful.
• Speak and educate about PCOS and hormone imbalances. As I learn more, I want to share what I know. I am a teacher by nature.
• Audition for Food Network. It sounds silly but I at least want to try!

So that's it. I love where my life is right now. I love that this road I have been on has been leading up to this. I love that I don't know where it is going to go...

Please proceed with caution. This is not for the faint of heart.

I have been waiting for almost a week to post this blog. It is deeply personal but with a message that I want to share.

I have been fat my whole life. I just saw a class picture from kindergarten and I was the largest child in the picture. I probably weighed 25 pounds more than any of my class mates, including the boys. When you are 6 years old, that is traumatic. I have endured ridicule and shame my entire life. I can remember the face of every person who called me names, I can remember feeling pain that was so deep and penetrating. I can remember feeling like a part of me died every time I was teased about being fat. Even now, as I write, those memories are so vivid. As a 6 year old girl I couldn't understand why I was fat and others were slim. I couldn't understand why it mattered so much that I was bigger than any one else. I played at recess just like the rest of the kids... In my eyes, I was no different. In their eyes, I was disgusting. Over time I began to see myself as they saw me, unacceptable, unlovable, and of no value. People can be so cruel to each other.

I have felt such shame about my weight. I have felt as though I have had less value as a person, no hope to be truly loved by anyone, and that I was destined to be a prisoner in this body that was suffocating me. I have found ways to cope and not let the despair crush me. My sense of humor had become my defense. I learned very quickly that it was much more effective to make people laugh with me instead of at me. I was mostly happy but when the sadness and hopelessness came, it was unbelievable as well as unbearable.

Little did I know, , I was going to be diagnosed with a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom.

PCOS is a complicated issue that is caused by a hormone imbalance. The symptoms are humiliating and the possible problems that can develop from it are horrifying. Obesity, diabetes, infertility, and cancer are just a few of the problems that can come from PCOS.

I began dieting at the age of 12. First it was Jenny Craig and then Weight Watchers. My success was marginal at best. I would lose maybe 10 pounds. This caused more shame, more self hatred, more hopelessness. My anger was raging. I hated my life. I hated my family. I hated myself. I knew the comfort eating was what was making me fatter but I could not stop. It made no sense. The only conclusion I could come up with was that I was a defective human being and that God was cruel to make me this way.

We didn't know it but I was showing signs of PCOS starting around the age of 12, around the time puberty hits. At that time our family was enduring a tremendous amount of stress and it was assumed that the physical issues I was struggling with were because of our family situation. I had mood swings to an extreme. I was overweight, gaining more weight, and then relying on food to comfort the pain I was feeling. Even though I was a moderately active young person, I continued to gain weight which made the depression worse which made me want to eat more... it was a cycle that was more than vicious. As a teen girl, I was deeply depressed and at one point attempted suicide.

It wasn't until after High School that things started to make sense. My mom had watched an episode of Oprah and it was about PCOS. I remember her telling me that I had all the symptoms they talked about. FINALLY, I thought, there was an answer to the reason why I was fat, had body hair, no periods, and was so moody. I quickly made an appointment with a doctor in Federal Way who specialised in PCOS and felt hopeful for some relief.

She "diagnosed" me just by looking at me. She did no blood tests and barely even listened as I poured my heart out about the pain and shame I have felt for so long about my body. Even though infertility is a symptom of PCOS, she seemed unconcerned about that. She told me, "You are only 18. You aren't trying to have kids are you? All I can do for you right now is give you birth control. Call me when you think you want to have kids, we'll talk then."

I remember driving back to work after my appointment and all I could do was cry. How could she be so cruel? Did she find me disgusting and unvaluable, too? For months, I mourned over the loss of my dream to have children. I mourned over the loss of hope to ever have a normal body. I mourned over the dream to be loved and known by someone. Every dream I had for my life I quickly buried. I believed that I was destined to be trapped in my body. I had no hope for anything better.

To tell you about the next 11 years of my life would take more time than I have today to type this.

I will tell you, though, that I learned how to cope. I began telling myself things to cope with the pain I felt because of my situation. I became outgoing, funny, hospitable, overly anxious to please people even at the expense of what I really wanted. It seemed that this would be the only way to gain acceptance. I gave up myself to others. I found a way to become a person that others could enjoy. I was doing everything to scrape some type of life and future together. It was all I could do to maintain any glimmer of happiness or reason to live. And even though others came to love and accept me, I still had a deep hatred towards myself.

Over time, my symptoms have gotten worse. I might not be as depressed as I was, but the physical symptoms were catching up with me. It wasn't until 3 weeks ago that something happened and I finally thought I should see a doctor for a second opinion. (Please, PLEASE do not wait 11 years to get a second opinion.)

I found a doctor in Tacoma who treats women with PCOS. My appointment was last Friday, February 6th 2009. That day will forever be the day I got my life back. February 6th was the day that someone finally cared enough to hear me, to listen, to cry with me, to give me hope for a normal life and body. She uttered the words I've wanted to hear for so long. She told me that it wasn't my fault. I still can't believe that it's true. I have lived for 20+ years believing that I was fat because I was a bad person, because there was something wrong with me. She went into great detail explaining to me the ins-and-outs of PCOS and hormone imbalance and how it effects your ENTIRE BODY and ENTIRE LIFE if it is untreated. She explained that I have hope to lose weight and that no amount of dieting I could have done in my life would have taken the weight off.

I am still waiting to hear back about my blood work before I can begin to take any kind of medicine for treatment. I haven't lost a single pound on the outside of me but the woman on the inside is thin, happy, and fully of energy. I am no longer suffocating.

Thank you for reading my story. Thank you for taking the time to understand. If you have questions, I will answer them. If you have encouragement, I will receive it.

I am okay. I am lovable. I have hope to live the life I was meant to live.

If I had a million dollars

I'd be rich!

Now that I am aware of this particular part of my personality, my frustration has made so much more sense.

When I was a little girl (maybe 8 or 9) I remember my Dad taking me with him to the lumber yard that my Grandpa Rex owned (Copeland Lumber). I don't remember many of the details of that specific trip other than my Dad's purchase of some fine pieces of pine lumber that he was going to be using for one of his many creations.

Dad was a working man despite his physical setbacks. A veteran of the Vietnam war found him back in the States and partially paralyzed. That didn't hold Dad back though, he spent most of his time in the garage which doubled as his wood shop. There was a chop saw, a jig saw, and a band saw. All of which he used to make many different wood works. I remember, he used to make rocking chairs and ironing boards that converted into a step stool. Dad was the carpenter, Mom was the toll painter. Together they made pieces of furniture that they would sell at local craft fairs.

This wasn't my first time to the lumber yard. I would often go with Dad while he carefully inspected various sizes of wood, carefully looking down their length to make sure there wasn't too much of a bend or bow in it. After the perfect pieces of wood were chosen, Dad would take load them, and me, into the truck and head to our home far from town but not until we made a special trip to McDonald's for a happy meal and a little one-on-one time eating it in the parking lot.

Back to this particular trip to the lumber yard. I remember as I was waiting by the cash register for everything to be finished up seeing this bundle of picket fence posts. I decided right then and there that I needed to have that bundle of 24 inch posts and that I was going to create something wonderful and exciting just like Mom and Dad did. And even though I had no idea what I was going to use them for, bless his heart, Dad bought me the posts to make begging and whining stop. What 8 year old girl begs her dad for a bundle of wood? Apparently, I do.

When I got home, I immediately knew what I was going to do with my new purchase. I found scraps of wood from Dad's shop, drug them out into the yard, and built a fort. I then took my picket posts and a hammer and made a perimeter fence around my new home. I liked the idea of having my own special, secret place to go. Even though it wasn't a realistic structure that had much function, it was mine, I made it with my own hands, and it was magical to me. I played in my own special place for days and days until I found a new item that beckoned my creative brain to bring it to new life.

The fort and fence stayed standing for about a week even though I found it to be rather boring now that there was something new to do. Eventually Dad took it down so he could mow the lawn and I can't say it hurt my feelings.

Tonight I found myself dreaming about Merida Yucatan in Mexico and I realised that my life has had so many incidences of picket fence posts. It's not bad or wrong to create something and then move on. I don't have to camp out or live there. It can be temporary for me.

I am not moving to Mexico. Though I found myself looking at homes online and wondering what wonderful thing could I create from these raw, rustic homes in a beautiful, vibrant city? What kind of special place would be waiting for me? The more I dreamed, the more I longed for it.

I retrospect, I really didn't need the picket fence posts. But the idea of leaving that lumber yard without them crushed me. I just knew that if I didn't get that wood home to my house, I would miss out on the chance to have something great.

But now I am learning that I don't have to act on every dream and idea that comes to mind and it is okay to leave them there, for someone else to discover. In my own addiction, I must pray my own prayer of serenity:

God grant me the serenity
to dream the dreams You have given me;
courage to chase the ones I should;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Amen

Homes currently for sale in Merida,Yucatan Mexico: