Kevlar

Trust is a funny thing.

I've always said that I'm not good at playing games. Whether it's sports, cards, or board games, I always find myself in a frenzy to win. Some games I am good at, rummy and poker. Other games I struggle to put points on the board, chess and volleyball. Win or lose, the cost is always small. Pride, a small monetary wager, a temporary title of victor. These are manageable and often don't cost the player much. There are rules to follow when playing any game and it can be promised that if all players adhere to these rules there will be a winner. The winner might not be you, but someone will come out victorious.

I've always wanted to be a better guitar player than I am. I really do want to but I am unwilling to practice. Why? Because it makes my fingers hurt, I cringe at the sound of notes and chords that are out of place. The pain of practicing keeps me from pursuing what I want. Maybe I am weak willed. But what is the worst thing that could happen? I would be in my house making a fool of myself and that would be it. No one would have to hear it, just me and my own frustration. It would be a small price to pay, right?

And then it comes to playing the game of love. It is a game, after all. You have to say the right things at the right times lest you appear needy or desperate. You always must look your best to keep the eye of the other. And even though the rules are vast and confusing, adhering to them doesn't necessarily guarantee you (or the other player) victory. But we still play. We lay it all out on the line. Our most precious wager is our heart.

And then, for a time, it becomes a time of either bluffing or believing.

If you've ever played cards with me, you know that I'm not good at bluffing. As soon as I've got a good hand, it's all over my face. I get a little smirk on my face and my eyes twinkle. I'm so easy to read.

I can't read your face. I don't know if you are bluffing.


I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff... everything could change. I could plunge to my death or the wind could pick me up and I could soar.